The Scallop
Dozens Drown in Tragic Paddling Pool 353 Accident
"Osmotic pressure," says Rassicas.
The authorities insist that it is too early to draw conclusions, but it is widely believed that the bizarre accident that occurred during Paddling Pool 353 just minutes ago was caused by a system malfunction in the platforms of Mahi-Mahi Resort.
“We don’t fully understand what happened. One moment the platforms were there, and the next one… they were not” said Pinky, the head of Dapples Production. An official statement and apology to the families is expected later today.
To try to get to the bottom of this we decided to talk to a lore expert.
"Osmotic pressure," said Rassicas.
When asked to elaborate, the well-known and beloved content creator excitedly produced a blank board and some yarn and spent a solid 30 minutes describing the lore of sea cucumbers in the universe of Splatoon.
After being questioned about the relationship between this topic and the tragic Paddling Pool incident, Rassicas insisted that the information about sea cucumbers is absolutely crucial to fully understand the context surrounding the catastrophe.
"It's all connected," the lore expert reassured us in a tangle of red yarn. "I just need to translate this Japanese blog post about the English interview of the Dutch translator of the text in a Splatoon 2 Salmon Run wall texture and everything will become clear."
At the time of writing, nothing more is known about the cause of what is now regrettably known as Osmotic Wednesday. Twenty-seven dead and thirteen wounded.